‘The Fear’


I’m sitting at my desk staring out through the big glass doors that separate me from the street. It’s raining and I’m wearing cloth shoes, soggy feet are imminent.  I yearn for brighter climes. I will be able to go soon! Well, in theory I can go but my mind is playing hard ball with my heart. I have been struck down by ‘The Fear’.

I’m scared of everything. From my journey to work to getting on a plane. I have been on hundreds of planes and I never had any bad experiences. (Except that time an Air New Zealand flight attendant pelted me on the head with a crusty bread roll) But now I have two specific death scenes in my head whenever I think of flying.  A slow and painful one ( if the plane crash lands on water and sinks slowly) or a really fucking horrifying fast and explosive one, I mean a  Jihadi could be sat next to me with a bomb up his bum.

My fear is not just about flying. I shy away from people in the street, eyeing them nervously. I actually don’t even have to leave the house to be brought down by The Fear, The slam of a car door outside gives me palpitations. I am not in a good place. I tell myself the only way to overcome the fear is to get out there and face it. Pick a place I like, book a ticket, a few nights accommodation and just go.

So… after a few weeks searching the internet for the best flights deals I have reduced my choices to two options, Mexico – Belize – Caye Caulker and back ( Hopefully) Or Bulgaria, which I know well and love dearly, I could go up into the Pirin Mountains and  explore the three lakes, Bansko and Smolyan. http://bulgariawalking.com/p134-Pirin-Mountains-guided-and-self-guided-hiking-and-walking-holidays-in-Bulgaria. Ah yes, beautiful safe Bulgaria! Going somewhere I know and feel safe in really reduces the fear factor, plus it’s really cheap. I can rent a stunning apartment for two weeks for around £215. These look nice: http://www.booking.com/hotel/bg/pirin-golf-apartments. Surely after time spent out in the pure, fresh mountain air, walking some stunning trails and pampering in the spa I am sure to feel better! My plan is to exercise and explore during the day and write in the evening. Sounding good, sounding Good!

I would then move on to a few nights in my favourite hotel on the coast http://www.thecliff-obzorbay.com/ I love this place, it is just dreamy. The views from the hotel are food for the soul, it is the most beautiful, tranquil and relaxing hotel and holiday location I ever found. The hotel is stunning, situated on the cliff leading out of Obzor village, surrounded by green fields and deep blue sea. There is a winding staircase made out of driftwood that takes you down through the forest to a gorgeous empty beach with rolling waves and soft, golden sand. Heaven on earth. Add to this the minuscule cost for such luxury (currently £25 a night on booking.com) and I am convinced I must return, pronto!

But the Mexico idea nips at me. Thomson currently has a flight only Manchester – Cancun on August 25th for three weeks, http://flights.thomson.co.uk/ for £319.98. I am tempted by this because I love Mexico and I like the Dreamliner planes. They are really lovely, spacious and new with pretty colour changing mood lighting, I’ve been on one and I felt very safe. Plus, it’s a cheap deal, not as cheap as it was three days ago, then it was only £251.00 but dithering has a cost.

If I fly to Cancun I can laze about for a few days getting a tan so I won’t stand out as fresh meat for any potential scammers, chancers, wide boys or psychotic murders when I hit the road and make my way to Belize.  I would travel by bus to  Chetumal, cross the border into Belize and take a taxi boat to Caye Caulker, in all I think I would be looking at around 8.5 hours trip Mexico to Caye Caulker.

Yes, I like the idea of that, a mini adventure without too much risk. Hell yeah, it will be fab and much more adventurous than the safe haven of beautiful Bulgaria. I can do it, I can. I can go to Mexico and Belize!

But that means a 10 hour flight….Uh oh…

2 thoughts on “‘The Fear’

  1. Do it! Let’s keep in touch. Love Dawn X


    1. Definitely will do Dawn, I am so excited for you and your amazing journey ahead! I hope I manage to get back out there too! X


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